I miss U

Dear Blue Sky,

Where are you?

I should say that I really miss you, today.

Missing you is just like I am missing my world.

It feels like I don't even exist now when I feel this way, while you're not around.

Its hard when I realize that I don't have a chance to have you.

Yes, we have each other virtually.

But some times, I do need you in reality.

I need the one with whom I can speak, sharing laugh, teasing each other, touching each other, etc. etc.

Blue,

You must be wondering why I'm acting this way all sudden.

Yes, I'm gonna admit this...

I've just broke up with some one!

Some one! You must know her. The one who came from my old time.

Last two days, we, to be precise she, had just admitted that she has no more feeling towards me. For that, for me its okay. But one thing that make me feel so hurt is the fact that actually I was clapping with one hand so long, when we were spending some times together. When we were sharing our togetherness, going out for dinner, walking side by side and so on. It all was just a one-way feeling.

She'd never loved me, I guess. While I was so fall in love with her (I love her since I was on senior high school). Damned! She was pretending! How blind I was, how stupid I am..!

Last two days we open everything.

We broke up! Or, to be precise, she broke me up!!

I said okay.

I thank her for telling me honest (but I didn't tell her how shock I am. Didn't tell her how she stub my heart and gave a deep wound. A very bad hurt!!!) .

We promise to keep our friendship. One thing I don't know for sure whether I can keep up my promise.

Blue,

I didn't know where I should go to share about this story.

I don't have any body to share such this thing. I don't have any one, but you.

I should release myself from this bad impact by disclosing what ever I feel right now.

I hope you don't mind having me sharing this here, in our horizon!

This is the only place I have, blue...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for visiting you not because we've been missing each other.

Sorry for turning my head on you when I am in misery because of being dumped!

I said her good bye and so long!

I hope, and I believe, that we'll never be united anymore.

I turn off all the story about her.

I feel so empty.

Can't feel nothing...

I wish I am not loosing my desire to write. I lost it once. Don't have any one to be my inspiration beside you are.

I really miss you, blue sky...

So much!

With love,

Blue Ocean

PS.

I tried to text you on 0818 15 something, but it ain't work no more.

Did you change your number?

to you ......

i really miss you !!!!!

its always you

you had me at " Hello"

tears

dear blue ocean
i wish i could say whatever in my mind but i couldnt ...
i tried since couple weeks ago to write but everytime i hold my vaio tears drowning like stream so fast
arghhh wishin you here by my side ..

blue sky

The beauty of our relationship...

Dear Blue,

the beauty of our relationship is we always try to make each other laughing. too bad I'm not a good one to make a good joke to make u laugh.. that's why I'm so happy if I hear you laughing. I'm not a good laughter either actually, but yess you always make me laugh.

the unique of our relationship is, yes we never had a time to see each other. and so many time we try to make us separate and say good bye. yet, we always come back. seems like we are bound.

I'm happy to hear the spirit in your message. That's all I care for you. I just want you to happy. Just think about the beauty of being life, never think about we're gonna die some day. It will come definitely at the end. But like you said, it is not important to talk about it. Thank God you have so many friends who give you attention that much. And I'm glad if you think that I am one of those who support you, the way I did... Let's live forever, and think only about how to fill our life with something good.

So many things I'd like to share with you, to make us be a better one every day.

Cheer up. Live it up. Never let the flame goes off, bcos life is too precious to be abandon, honey.

I'll be seing you, in our horizon. As usual, with lots of hug,,

-blue ocean

Have we been thru that long?

Dear Blue,

I just read again our horizon after some times.

Did you notice that this horizon is already over 5 years exist? Never realize it, huh? Since the first time we wrote here on July 2005, we suppose to celebrate it last July 2010 when it reached to the 5th anniversary... Hmm, it actually already 8 years if we count when the first time we met at KG, remember?

Blue,

What happen between us?

When I decide to turn off my existence from your page, at the same time I lose contact from u. You seemed to be dissappeared..

Yesterday,

I went through my phone's address book to search some one's phone no... Flashly I read your name on it, and I was wondering where u are and how r u doing. Then half an hour later, I went to take pray Tarawih at the mosque in Bintaro sektor 1. Again I was wondering where you are, cos I know that you live near by.. there some where.

You know what?

This afternoon, you shock me up when all suddent I got your sms!

"Hai, blue how is life with you? I do hope life treat u well... I pray we could have the high blessing of Holy Ramadhan"

It happens again...!!

Every time I think of you, then we're connecting again..

Did you texted me that afternoon because you think about me? Did you feel anything last night?

Blue,

The reason I didn't text you for quite some time is because I dont want to disturb you. Since the last time I heard about you're getting married, I was so happy for that. Really am!! And I guess I better off of our horizon and your life as well, for some moment, to let you have your wonderful life,,

Thanks again for reminding me of the password so that I can post some thing again in this horizon, the place that we always longing for to meet.. to touch our soul.. to ease our thirsty.

Something I usually love to do.. express my feeling towards you

Just like what I am feeling right now, after some moments we turn our horizon off..

Glad to have you back,,, blue

-Blue ocean-

a thousand kiss, a dream land

blue,

why everytime we share the moment
it always bring me to the dream land
the place where we can walk together
hand in hand
face to face
eyes by eyes
then the dream goes on
i just want to land a thousand kiss
in your lips

with my closing eyes

i am dreamin'

-blue ocean

de moment you and me

when we together this afternoon ..
you share all your thought
your love ..
your dream ..
your caring ..
and your hope ...

also when the time became ours ...

Blue ...
Thank you for always made me laugh ..
Thank you !!!


BlueSky
21/10/09

unreachable :)

blue

i wont be around for some moment.
i wanna prepare all de plan for 2010 for my own company ..
i couldnt be reach in reguler number but in others that you have
i cant update blog but available on facebook from some moment ..



Blue Sky

survival

Hi Lief ..

I`m back now to homeland and recovery for new beginning..
Last week is quite hell for me ..
One of hardest in life, I almost give up ..
Lucky lotssssssssssssss of my lovely friends support me whole days n night to watch over.
Everytime i lost my desire to live and life they remind me the beautifull of life
The world will be uncomplete without me haha
They dont let me go easily to give up .. I`m so happy to have all my lovely friends around
in my hard days .. I wont be succed without them . Friends is big blessing from God in life.

After the accident last week when in Pondok Indah hospital couple times i got collaps . MD said i cried ,whispering a name. when i asked, he dont explained any details , just said i have the guardian angel . it repeated when Camden Hospital when some friends of mine stay over , they hear clearly that I said , "Let me go Rez, and why I have to stay ?"
i cried for quite long time till my friends very confused cos i look very suffering . they wondering what has happened, i just silent and dont say anything to my friends .

Today during the flight to jakarta between me n Tyo , one of friends analyze everything , continues until now, i dont want it happened again in the near future .we evaluated everything and review the goals in life. Suddenly Tyo said , MD is completely right that I have the guardian Angel. I `m starring at him confused , he explained , Only guardian angel take care of his friends with patience and persistence .. Angels dont give up for hoping you to get better even you already lost the faith and if aint guardian angel , he must be a person with a very good heart.
Tyo said I must be very lucky to have friends with an angel heart ...
During the flight he comfort me in many ways coz he knew i m nervous to goin back indo ..
Now tonight i type this while we chat ..Hmmm I guess he is so damn right .. I have a best friend with a very good heart. Lucky me ...
I pray and hope that person surrounded with good people too in his life :)

You know why i share this to you ?????????????
we never know who will beside us when the hard times come
we never know who sill support us too
who will stay beside us and give unlimited attention, care and love ..
i could survive in my hard times because of my very good friends ..
friends in real life and from someone in outside of the world that i never meet at all
we ever rare to talk over the phone but unbelieveable the feelings of our friendship ..
i never believe its happen if my good friends dont tell me directly ..
or if i dont get the experience by my own..


Honey ..
what we have is special and unique too
we cant be describe our relationship as well
but we knew that we care to one another more
we want the best thing in our life ..
what we have is undescribeable with words but we could feel in our heart..
years go by the feeling never change at all
no matter hundreds time we said goodbye but we always come here again and again :)

Last ..in this posting i wanna remind you ..
dont forget to pray for whatever happen in life
dont forget to remind Him and be thankfull to Him
ask His direction in life for you and protection for the family when you gone, with the new task from management, new responsibility and very hard barrier in field ,you should more closer with God.with the big problem you handle , please ask Him to guide you .

dah ya ngantuk ah.. jika ada tata bahasa salah benerin sendiri

mau bobo dulu apalagi tadi ditinggal "kekasihku" yang main zynga poker difacebook saat ku menulis ini buat dirimu :((

The Song`s

I Have Nothing

(David Foster - Linda Thompson)

Share my life, take me for what I am
Cause I'll never change all my colours for you
Take my love, I'll never ask for too much
Just all that you are and everything that you do

I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside
Can't run from myself
There's nowhere to hide
(Your love I'll remember forever)

Don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there
Don't walk away from me...
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don't have you, you, you, you.

You see through, right to the heart of me
You break down my walls with the strength of you love
I never knew love like I've known it with you
Will a memory survive, one I can hold on to

Sin ` 17/10/09

demam

blue

aku demam cukup tinggi
aku tahu harus minum obat
tahu banget
but this time i dont want too


blue

let me drowning in your blue sea ..
stay there forever

-blue sky

distance

Blue ...

do you remember last night when de first time i answered de phone
there some text from 0816 ....with the love words but didnt remember whose number
actually i did know but i dont want to explaine to you
cos im shocked knowing i still saved text from someone in ancient time

de one who made you jealous from de day we met ..
i didnt expected read his sms ...
especially this very moment
when i needed someone by my side through my hard days ..
his text remind me de old good memories..

Blue,

actually last night when u wish there will be someone to take care of me and my answer i dont need it ..
i do realised it was not right at all ..
sometimes i want mc dreammy by my side like ilham company me in the old days .
pray day and night beside me
cooking and even decorate my room by his own hand ..
these very moment i remembered ilham so bad..
i wish i have someone like he used to take care of me until i got recovery again.
but now .. no more ilham by my side
no more q as well to company me with politic discussion ..
no more all de loving people around me ..




deep down in my heart i want them back !!!
i want to share about my fearness
i want to share every progress
but now ...
i cant..
even i have some best friends but i cant share de fearness w them
the feeling is different...
there some moment i tried to share with mr robotto but ended with he created the distance :(

Thanks God

Lief ...
never expected we could talk over the phone again
im speechless when you called me
that is de reason i hang up at de first time
haha
sorry ..
i need time to realised its you ...
always, time flies so fast when we talk over the phone

im glad we could laugh again like the old days ..
you always know how to bring de smile in me ..
having you by my side again made this world starting colourfull ...






Lief ...
do you remembered how many times we said goodbye but time driven us together again in our horizon ..
same as you, without your presence my feeling empty too ..

i live but without soul :(


now bout my illness
thank you for discusing with clearly mind, i could be more agree with you when you said i should be anticipated for de worst case, even de result said differences ..
million times i wish i could believe the result in Mount Elizabet Singapore but my situation even worst compare i had in 2006 :(

this evening happened again when i got chat with Rezky, i`m glad it happened after he slept, only you and mc dreammy knew my situation included where i stayed at this moment ..no one else ...

Lief thank you for always be around and take care of me very well

Bluesky ..

Yes I do ...

Hai AJ,

Yeah, since you were angry and made us separate I already miss u

missing some one who can enocurage me to express myself

missing some one who always make me feel writing is easy, making poetry is easy..

missing some one who without her I become a stone, doesnt have a full sense in the heart

for some moment, I lose all the great moment when I can share something with you

and that's make me feel empty


http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/47105/dance-with-the-moon-5.gif

so if you ask me do I ever miss you?

... I can say yes I do

its clear!

glad to have your e here... glad to see something written again in our horizon!

BlueOcean

beautifull poetry from internet bout togetheness

Love can never be so beautiful without friendship...
one leads to another and the process is irreversible ...
the best lovers is the greatest of friends!

When you love someone,
don't expect that person to love you back the same amount.
One of you will be ahead, the other behind;
It's either you catch up or the other waits.

Never be afraid to fall in love.
It may hurt a lot,
it may give you aches and pains,
but if you don't follow your heart,
in the end you will cry even more for not giving love a chance.

Love is not a feeling, it's a commitment.
Feeling comes and goes.
Love doesn't have to have a happy ending,
'coz love doesn't have to end at all.

True love hears what is not spoken,
and understands what is not explained,
for love doesn't work in the mouth,
nor the mind,
but in the heart..

When you love,
you must not expect anything in return,
for if you do,
you're not loving but investing.

If you love,
you must prepare to accept pain,
for if you expect happiness,
you're not loving but using...

It's better to lose your pride with someone you love
rather than lose that someone you love with your useless pride.

How can I say goodbye to someone I never had?
Why do tears fall for someone who was never mine?
Why is that I miss someone I was never with and
I ask why I love someone whose love was never mine?
It's hard for two people to love each other when they live in two different worlds...
but when these two worlds collide and become one,
that's what you call....... magic.

Don't love a person like a flower,
cause a flower dies in season.
Love them like a river cause a river flows forever...
Love may leave your heart like shattered glass,
but keep in mind that there's someone who'll be willing to endure the pain of picking up the pieces so you could be whole again

--

Blue
I found this internet and I hope you dont mind i put in our shore
cos this poetry hit my heart remind me of someone ...

Do you ever miss me

Hai Lief

Today ... ah no since last night I miss you badly
wait wait ... No ..actually de feeling since de moment we separated,
i already miss you,

Do you ever miss me ?? us ?
miss my " jail " or beautifull voice that you love :))

I knew you must miss me but i wanna know by asking directly ..
"do you ever miss me ?"

Lief
miliion things happened
many undescriable feelings i should swallow all alone.
million pray to God wishing you by my side to ease the pain
many nights i prefer to be alone in hospital cos i dont wanna anyone knows my pain beside you ..
Only you and you alone who could knew me
but since we separated ...im alone again facing the world

bluesky ..

Jika

Jika
ungkapan kata yang hendak kau cari untuk menjabarkan rasa rindu
maka tiada akan teruraikan dengan aksara

Jika
ribuan lagu yang hendak kau dengar untuk merasakan cinta didada
maka tiada senandung yang bisa mewakilkan rasa dihati

karena rasa itu ada didalam sanubari yang hanya kamu mampu menyentuhnya
bukan oleh kata atau senandung
tetapi hanya mampu dirasakan oleh jiwamu yg tulus

*Bluesky to Blue Ocean*
I do miss you too ....

meet me in horizon

do you remember when the last time we met?

yeap, it was in kafe wien @ plaza senayan. it was the first and last time we finally met each other. entah untuk menuntaskan rindu, atau sekedar menghapus keinginan untuk bertemu setelah sekian lama kita hanya bercumbu dalam pikiran kita, bercumbu lewat pertukaran kata. dan kita seperti seperti dua orang tetangga yang baru saling kenal, berdiri di balik jendela masing-masing, saling memandang ke depan, di tempat mana kau dan aku masing-masing berdiri memandang. ada rindu di mata kita. ada sejuta kata tercekat di ujung lidah kita. aku menerawang. kau ringan melangkah melayang.

lalu setelah itu kau menjelma langit biru, bercengkerama dengan tebaran awan dan mega. dan aku terlempar, tenggelam ke dalam lautan biru terseret arus rindu yang berputar liar. tapi kau bilang kita terikat dalam satu simpul yang kita berdua tak pernah bisa mengerti dan menjabarkan sebagai ikatan apa. nyata namun selalu saja kita sangkal keberadaannya. kita abaikan namun selalu terbukti bahwa seringkali kita sampai pada kesimpulan... bahwa seringkali kita saling membutuhkan.

dan aku mulai merindukan langit dengan lukisan awannya yang selalu penuh aneka rupa, tetapi setia dengan satu warna dasar. biru. seperti merefleksikan suatu rasa yang selalu kupendam, tak pernah berubah. biru. warna yang menggambarkan orang yang merindu. warna seseorang yang tengah menyimpan satu rasa namun seringkali disangkalnya. warna yang hampir setiap orang akan meng-amininya, sebagai pengejawantahan satu rasa... cinta!

dan warna itu kian membius ketika aku tenggelam dan bermetamorfosa sebagai lautan biru yang labil. kadang tenang tak beriak, namun seringkali bergejolak. dan kau bilang kau terjerat biru yang kau biaskan di riak-riak biru airku. itu warnamu. membias di pucuk-pucuk riak yang sesungguhnya mewakili keinginan hati yang begitu ingin meraihmu. ya, kau bilang kau pun terjerat. maka kau sampaikan suatu hari lewat angin dan camar-camar yang melanglang melayang dan kadang hinggap di bibir-bibir pantai yang sengaja kulandaikan untuk tempatmu tetirah kala kau penat dan lelah. bahwa kau ingin singgah hinggap dan rebah, memeluk pasir-pasir yang menjanjikanmu kelembutan di kaki-kaki rampingmu yang jenjang menantang ombak, yang berkejaran dengan senang berebut menyentuh kulit kakimu.

namun sebesar apapun keinginan kita, kau makin menjelma selayaknya langit biru dan aku tenggelam ke dasar lautku. maka keinginan kita makin menjadi suatu kemustahilan, yang membuat kita sadar. namun kita tetap menafikan kenyataan, dan tak peduli menyadap mimpi-mimpi yang selalu saja kita berusaha menjadikannya sebagai satu lembar kehidupan nyata, di antara ribuan lembaran hari-hari yang selama ini kita jalani.

lalu kita terjaga. kau terhempas dan aku terhenyak. menyadari bahwa yang menyatukan kita selama ini hanya sebuah garis yang padanya kita terlihat menyatu dengan semu. cinta memang sesuatu yang nyata dan bisa kita sadari keberadaannya. namun saat yang bersamaan cinta menjadi sesuatu yang aneh ketika baik kau dan aku tak bisa menyentuhnya, apalagi menyimpannya untuk kita jadikan sesuatu yang bisa menyembuhkan setiap sakit yang hadir atau mengenyahkan dahaga yang selama ini menyekat.

dan kita saling menghibur diri kita dengan kesadaran. mungkin memang sebaiknya cinta kita simpan dikebiruan kita yang sama. kita simpan semua keinginan dan hasrat dan merubahnya dengan naluri untuk saling mengasihi, menyayangi, memperhatikan, memberikan ketenangan dan kedamaian untuk kita satu sama lain, dan menjadikan itu semua sebagai energi bagi kita untuk terus memperbaiki diri, seperti katamu.

meski kita memang tidak diciptakan untuk berada dalam satu dimensi yang sama, ruang dan waktu yang sama nyata, namun setidaknya aku akan selalu bisa menyaksikanmu, dimanapun aku berada... dan kapanpun. di siang yang benderang yang menjadikanmu biru menyala dan terang, atau di malam yang ditaburi sinar bulan yang perak yang menjadikan semua yang hitam menjadi putih dan pucat seperti perak. seperti kerap kulakukan ketika rindu tentangmu bergumul dan menarikku berjalan menapaki malam demi malam, sekedar menghitung berapa banyak bintang-bintang yang menemanimu di malam hari. atau mereka aneka bentuk awan gemawan yang kerap merupa berbagai macam siluet hewan. sambil mengingatmu... dan menerka-nerka gerangan sedang apa kamu di malam-malam ketika rinduku menggapaimu.

sementara kau pun bisa menyapaku, membelaiku, menyentuhku, kapan pun kaki-kaki telanjangmu yang indah dan ramping menjejak butir-butir pasir pantai yang katamu selalu kau rindui. atau ketika jari jemari lentikmu membelai riak-riak sisa-sisa pecahan ombak yang berlarian mengejar dan menyentuh bulu-bulu halus di kakimu, bercanda, berkejaran menemani kau yang berlarian dan tertawa gembira, seperti saat tiap kali kau singgah dan bersembunyi di Padma, di jantung pantai Legian, Bali atau di tempat-tempat serupa lainnya dimana kau bisa menyapaku, menyentuhku, menguraikan simpul-simpul yang kita jabarkan sebagai rindu itu, yang bergulung abadi seiring waktu. kapan pun. seperti riak ombak di lautku, dan lenguhan angin di langitmu. abadi.

maka jika aku rindu memelukmu dan kau bisa singgah dan turun sesaat saja dari ketinggianmu, turunlah dan temui aku. karena akan selalu ada tempat untuk kita bercumbu dan bercengkerama. suatu garis yang menyatukan biru yang ada diantara kita. suatu tempat bernama... cakrawala.

yeahh, meet me in horizon!

Pray

dear blue ocean
wishing you the best in your life
my pray with you
always

Blue Sky